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Colin,
I was sitting here twiddling my quill for the last quarter hour, trying to think of some reason to write to you. I thought I'd ask you what sort of tree we should plant for Daphne in the Memorial Garden, and we'd talk over some ideas, but that would just be an excuse.
When I leave school for the summer in a month, Mrs Brown is going to expect me to go out on her social calls with her, having tea with all the people she is hoping to impress. Can you imagine? I'm afraid I will just break all the teacups handed to me on purpose.
I wish I were there, at Moddey Dhoo. We could walk around the greenhouse and the gardens again, and I would help you weed, and you would show me your plans for a new garden, and I would doodle in the margins, and we would go swimming on the beach and looking for shells and you would dunk me until I had salt water up my nose. And then you would
You have no idea how horrible it is here. Not the end of term madness, I mean, but the murder of the Head Girl madness. And Hydra worrying about how she's going to avoid being fingered as a traitor, and so she's fingering the Headmaster instead. And Ron and Justin worrying that they're going to be Marked, and Susan worrying about all the little Hufflepuffs who keep waking up their dorm mates with nightmares and Sally-Anne worried about Ron, and about whether she will have enough potions the next time something murderous happens. Artie's worried about Evelyn. Kitty's worried that we'll all be killed before she can pass her NEWTs, and about the Galleon holders who don't know enough to be safe. And Pansy worrying about George, and about everyone.
Everyone's worried about everyone.
I thought tonight that I wished I'd never come to Hogwarts. That I had been Muggleborn, and Mr Longbottom would have carried me away, and I would have been raised on the island, with you and the rest of the children there. But then I felt rather ashamed of myself. It's not fair to wish I could be away from all the danger, and anyway, I wouldn't be the person I am, would I? I would never have known my mum or my dad. I wouldn't have known Ginny, not until years and years later.
But I would have been with you.
I'm not making any sense.
Do you think a flowering magnolia tree would be right for Daphne?
I was sitting here twiddling my quill for the last quarter hour, trying to think of some reason to write to you. I thought I'd ask you what sort of tree we should plant for Daphne in the Memorial Garden, and we'd talk over some ideas, but that would just be an excuse.
When I leave school for the summer in a month, Mrs Brown is going to expect me to go out on her social calls with her, having tea with all the people she is hoping to impress. Can you imagine? I'm afraid I will just break all the teacups handed to me on purpose.
I wish I were there, at Moddey Dhoo. We could walk around the greenhouse and the gardens again, and I would help you weed, and you would show me your plans for a new garden, and I would doodle in the margins, and we would go swimming on the beach and looking for shells and you would dunk me until I had salt water up my nose. And then you would
You have no idea how horrible it is here. Not the end of term madness, I mean, but the murder of the Head Girl madness. And Hydra worrying about how she's going to avoid being fingered as a traitor, and so she's fingering the Headmaster instead. And Ron and Justin worrying that they're going to be Marked, and Susan worrying about all the little Hufflepuffs who keep waking up their dorm mates with nightmares and Sally-Anne worried about Ron, and about whether she will have enough potions the next time something murderous happens. Artie's worried about Evelyn. Kitty's worried that we'll all be killed before she can pass her NEWTs, and about the Galleon holders who don't know enough to be safe. And Pansy worrying about George, and about everyone.
Everyone's worried about everyone.
I thought tonight that I wished I'd never come to Hogwarts. That I had been Muggleborn, and Mr Longbottom would have carried me away, and I would have been raised on the island, with you and the rest of the children there. But then I felt rather ashamed of myself. It's not fair to wish I could be away from all the danger, and anyway, I wouldn't be the person I am, would I? I would never have known my mum or my dad. I wouldn't have known Ginny, not until years and years later.
But I would have been with you.
I'm not making any sense.
Do you think a flowering magnolia tree would be right for Daphne?
no subject
Date: 2015-05-14 04:37 am (UTC)Mr L said this was probably for me, and he was right. Gave me the journal for the rest of the night.
I've been keeping a close an eye on Hogwarts as I can manage, I've been running Fu all over, feels like, but every chance I get, Mr L lets me take a look at the latest news coming out of there, and I can see how it's pretty dire. Hydra's last kept me up all night after I read it, sorting through all the ways it could go wrong.
Times like these, I figure nothing makes sense. So we just try the best we can.
I miss the Forest. Going there every week, with you, and Evie, and Nev, and feeding the thestrals, and getting bit and stung by everything you can imagine, and even mucking around in that awful swamp.
I think I'd giveI think I'd give just about anything to get salt water up your nose, Luna Lovegood.
So there.
Maybe if you break enough tea cups, she'll stop taking you?)
no subject
Date: 2015-05-14 04:38 am (UTC)A magnolia, or maybe a rose bush. But flowers sound good to me.)
no subject
Date: 2015-05-14 04:53 am (UTC)It's funny to be nostalgic about those times in the Forest, isn't it? I think we were bit by every possible insect within miles until we were sensible enough to start carrying potions to keep them away. It's a good thing Madam Pomfrey was staffing the Hospital Wing then so I didn't have to explain all the welts to Haruman Patil.
The best that we can, that's what we're all trying to do. Things feel different now, though. There's such a sense of dread. What happened to Daphne was such a shock to so many. She was the Head Girl, she was being married to one of the most powerful people in the Protectorate, and she was cut down right in front of us all. I think it's truly dawning on a whole lot of people that it's like Draco said: nothing we do can keep us safe. Maybe it's being without our wands; it's hard not to feel helpless. It gives me a little idea of how Terry and Hermione felt all those years.
I miss you. I do look forward to seeing you this summer. That's what I really wanted to say, I suppose.
When things seem dreadful, that's when I miss you the most.
Mr Longbottom is very kind to let you use his journal for the night (thank you, Mr Longbottom), so I hope he's too kind to laugh at that. I do wish you had your own, though. I suppose the Order Only lock has spoiled me. Most other people realise that their private messages aren't really private.
If we could be truly private...
Well, I suppose there are things that can only be said in person.
Or done.no subject
Date: 2015-05-14 05:09 am (UTC)(I mean to say, really?
I guess you've just got to come up here as soon as you're out for the summer so you can say them, then.)